¬.¬

Ok… so, do I need to mention that this blog is on a little hiatus?

I started my internship at the court in first week of February. It went good. I have very nice colleagues. I think I made good impression. ‘Cause everything I did was faultless. But good times don’t last forever.

Soon after that I got depressed without reason. I mean: real depression. Clinical depression. :| But, it was weird … nothing happened. I mean, nothing bad happened at that moment. Everything is going well. I’ll have my diploma in June when I finish my internship. *sigh* But, my depression got only worse. Suddenly, all I wanted to do was lie in bed and do nothing… I stayed home for 2 weeks. The people at my internship are helpful and they understand. Especially my mentor there.

Depression quickly led to suicidal thoughts. Yeah, I became a suicidal person… I even looked up information how I wanted to commit suicide. What methods I can use, stuff I need… what time I should do it… and things like that. Eventually I ended up in a crisis (mental? lol) department of the city hospital. I got antidepressant (Paroxetine). And they got nice side effects like headache, nausea, loss of concentration, and… suicide ideation. Haha, yeah, my medicine got ’suicide’ as a side effect. (Which is getting worse.)

I’m not like announcing my suicide or something. LOL, I think ‘90 day Jane’ got more than enough attention.

Basically, the first question people ask me is: “why do you want to commit suicide?” I believe it’s a very good question but people don’t understand my answer. My answer is always: “Because I believe that every human being has the right to decide about his/her own life and death. It’s called freedom. I got no problems. I’m just bored. I think I’ve seen everything and I want to ‘leave’. I don’t want to participate in the game called ‘life’. It’s not interesting enough. There are none to few things that I enjoy. But I’m ready to sacrifice those things if I’m allowed to die.”.

Eh, so what am I going to do with my blog…? I don’t know. I will keep it as a blog and blog when I feel like it. :)
Yes, I’m selfish. :)

P.S. I hope I didn’t scare anyone away :| Because I’m scared of myself too at the moment. lol.