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Well, I’ve been doing well I guess. Well, actually not that good, but compared to the past few months… I’m OK. I remember cursing myself for blowing up my internship and thus failing at school. But… it was time to start anew. Another try, another attempt to pick up my life where I left it. Yup, together with my school I was able to find yet another internship place (a muncipility).

It’s like my second week there, and up until now, I’m doing well. Well, considering my depression and suicide ideation. BTW, I’m still receiving treatment for that. Waking up early to get the bus and then the train (1 hour ride) and seeing people is good. It’s a routine. Routine is good. If you just sit home doing nothing productives, you will eventually feel like you are unwanted (which just adds to your depression).

Anyway… at the same time I just can’t get rid of my slothfullness. Sloth is a sin, and I think I understand why. I really really don’t want to participate in anything. I’m doing my internship at the moment, because of anger. Anger towards myself for failing it. Yeah, ok, that is not a very good motivation but I don’t let people know Once I’m done with it, I don’t know what I will do. If I want to be a person who contributes to the society: I’ll study further in Media Designing. If I just want to stop with everything, I guess I’ll get suicidal again lol.

Anyway, I’ve got enough time to think about that. I’ll be done with my internship on the 19th of December…  I want  survive… survive these 2 months of struggle. I’m only concentrating on this internship and nothing else. (Even though evil thoughts still find their way into my head lol).