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^^

*sits in a dark room ’cause the new light bulb doesn’t work :/*

I had my first day of school today. It’s nice to have classes and break your head on projects that aren’t explained well/are lacking guidelines. Had to remember thirty names :/ Well, my memory left me in despair… in the end I only remembered like 5 names. That of my project team . Tomorrow I have my first class (or ‘college’ how they call it in Uni -dutch term for lectures-).

*headdesk*

Had to tell something about myself like everyone else… I tried to stay funny and said something like “I was packed and shipped to India when I was 4/5″. LOL. The teacher was like “all alone?”. “Yes.” “Was shipped back to Europe when I was 11″.

In the end I said something about being a silent kid. Nobody believed me. I was so talkative today.

*cough* JUST LIKE ANY NORMAL PERSON YA!

*sigh* Bus, train, metro… people  :down:  Drunk and smoked people… DUH, it’s Amsterdam :/ … They stink.

P.S: the cafeteria is SUGOI *_*

∞

Hello all, first of all, happy new year in advance.

Happy new year!

2008… I won’t say much about it. It was a hell of a year, and I’d say the worst year in my life up until now. I certainly don’t want 2009 to copy 2008. 2009… there are a few promises I want to make and some goals I want to accomplish. Like a to-do thingy.

• First of all, my new study. I’m starting a 2-year Communication course in February. I want to study hard, I want to concentrate on this with all my strength.  I want to enjoy my student-life too. ^^’
• Second, colour this blog into new colours and shapes. I’m talking about a make-over here hehe, it’s something I’ve been planning for MONTHS, but seriously didn’t do something ^^’
• Third, watch and complete 125 anime titles at the end of the year. At the moment, I’ve seen and completed 91.
• TO LIVE AS CAREFREE AS POSSIBLE. (just like Train-kun).
• Regularly update the blog?
• Actively practise in Adobe Photoshop and make a lot of fan-arts featuring Train Heartnet.
• Actively practise web designing and make layouts.
• Visit a j-rock/visual kei concert.
• Only happy thoughts may enter my brain.
• I’ll do my best to overcome this mental ’something something’  problem that is wrong with me :/
• Stay fit!

Well these are the things I can think of. If I remember more important stuff, I’ll add them.

Internship is over. My Law Assistant study is finally OVER. I passed :D  Finally…. indeed. I’ll have my diploma after the holidays, somewhere in January. It was a 3 year course and it took me 3 ½ years. But I’m not that sad about the extra half year. I’m just happy I can move on.

Ah, as final, a few words for my blog buddies.

Kat: stop deleting stuff >_< even if it’s accidently  :tongue:    No more deleting stuff in 2009!
Fizza: Grrrr, come back now! Your host died, but that’s no reason to stop blogging >_<
Kim: You just disappeared o.O I hope all is well :)
Sora: I can so relate to things you always write… though, I hope to get to know you better next year.
Hiyono: This ninja is invisible at the moment it seems
Ingrrid: I hope you come back *someday*.

That’s all, folks.

&

Hi all. Blog buddies, you guys all right? Busy? Yeah, I know, me too. Fizza, I hope you can contact your host! Otherwise, contact me, I got so much space that I feel like god lol. Kim… where did you go? ;_;

Let’s talk about me. I’m fine. Yes, I know how to survive. I’m only and only concentrating on my internship just like I promised myself. I seem to be positive about the future as well. I want to enter a Communication study in Februari. I applied for that. My internship… well, I do the most annoying tasks. But I keep it up with a fake smile. Because I want to smile for REAL when this is over. These sure are some long and long and unending days. But… I’m almost there. I want to see the happy me! Countdown!

I want to kill these annoying and depressive thoughts in my head. They exist without my permission. Die.

,

Well, I’ve been doing well I guess. Well, actually not that good, but compared to the past few months… I’m OK. I remember cursing myself for blowing up my internship and thus failing at school. But… it was time to start anew. Another try, another attempt to pick up my life where I left it. Yup, together with my school I was able to find yet another internship place (a muncipility).

It’s like my second week there, and up until now, I’m doing well. Well, considering my depression and suicide ideation. BTW, I’m still receiving treatment for that. Waking up early to get the bus and then the train (1 hour ride) and seeing people is good. It’s a routine. Routine is good. If you just sit home doing nothing productives, you will eventually feel like you are unwanted (which just adds to your depression).

Anyway… at the same time I just can’t get rid of my slothfullness. Sloth is a sin, and I think I understand why. I really really don’t want to participate in anything. I’m doing my internship at the moment, because of anger. Anger towards myself for failing it. Yeah, ok, that is not a very good motivation but I don’t let people know Once I’m done with it, I don’t know what I will do. If I want to be a person who contributes to the society: I’ll study further in Media Designing. If I just want to stop with everything, I guess I’ll get suicidal again lol.

Anyway, I’ve got enough time to think about that. I’ll be done with my internship on the 19th of December…  I want  survive… survive these 2 months of struggle. I’m only concentrating on this internship and nothing else. (Even though evil thoughts still find their way into my head lol).